


Color Me Blue

by Legitaprincess



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Ash Goes to Japan, Ash Lynx Lives, Canon Compliant, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Okumura Eiji Needs a Hug, Open to Interpretation, Song fic, Suicide, angst but not what it seems, im sorry for this, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 14:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17427749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Legitaprincess/pseuds/Legitaprincess
Summary: He missed Ash. But he had never felt as if his heart was being ripped out and flung across the ocean as he did today. Today he truly felt as if he was being left behind.OREiji gets a phone call that changes his life.





	Color Me Blue

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by Blue - Troye Sivan. It really is such an AshEiji song

 

 

> _**I'll colour me blue** _  
>  _**Anything it takes to make you stay** _  
>  _**Only seeing myself** _  
>  _**When I'm looking up at you** _

 

The phone call was unexpected.

It had been a quiet evening. Eiji had spent the better part of it looking outside, watching the sky shift from red to blue to pink. He felt empty and he couldn’t pinpoint what was causing hollowness in his chest.

He missed Ash. But he had never felt as if his heart was being ripped out and flung across the ocean as he did today. Today he truly felt as if he was being left behind.

When his phone had rung, he blinked, the soft singing of Ash breaking his train of thought. He would never tell anyone that the voice was Ash. That was his private memory.

The phone call was short. Max was the one to deliver the news, his voice cracking and at the end he excused himself. It couldn’t be real. Yet the raw hurt in Max’s voice, the trembling of his own hand, the emptiness of his chest told him it was.

He couldn’t stay in his room any longer, the walls seemed to be closing in on him, the window beckoning him to come out. He couldn’t stay in his house any longer, the loud laughter seemed to be mocking him, the door whispering peace. He couldn’t stay in Japan any longer, not when Ash was calling him.

He ran and ran, till he reached the river that ran through his town, connecting to the ocean a few 100 kilometers away.

He screamed.

_I want you, Aslan._

Where did he go wrong? He wanted to give him everything, paint him the color of the very sky he dreamed of soaring in. He screamed, clawing at the dirt, tears mixing forming mud that stuck to his hair. He couldn’t fucking breathe.  
Ash. Ash. Ash. He needed him. He felt his chest closing, his eyes watering. Fuck.

 

Ash ran all the way from the bus stop to Eiji’s house. He hadn’t had time to tell anyone else he was okay. He needed to see Eiji before he heard. His feet pounded on the pavement, lungs threatening to give up but he couldn’t. Not when he was so close to finally seeing _him._ The only dawn in his life, the only person he saw himself mirrored in. The reflection of himself that he so badly wanted to become true. Eiji.

He paused, checking the address, rounding the corner. The house was modest and homely. It looked as if a family had laughed and grew with love here, having dinners and inviting neighbors. Then why, Ash realized with a panic, were all the lights on? There was no noise pouring out, yet every light was on, as if there was a meant to be a celebration occurring.

He walked to the door, dread in his heart, lifting his hand to knock to the beat of his own heart. Seconds ticked by, turning into a minute. He knocked again, this time more frantically. _Please, fuck, please_ , he prayed. As he began to desperately pound on the door, an old lady passed by. She looked at him, speaking in slow, broken English how the family was out, looking for their son who had just ran outside. They were worried and hadn’t found him.

He didn’t thank the woman, just willed his legs to move. _Fuck, fuck, fuck. Eiji, Eiji, Eiji_. He wouldn’t, he couldn’t. But, he realized with a start, he would if he was in his situation. He _had._

_Please, please, please._

Eiji looked down at the water, the sunset reflected in it, and when he dipped his foot in, it turned it red, as if coated with blood. He smiled morbidly at how perfect it was for the situation at hand. _Aslan._ He wasn’t able to let him fly. He wasn’t able to give him happiness. He wasn’t able to be with him. The thoughts flitted through his mind, and yet he felt calm. He knew he’d see him soon. Just a few moments more.

Eiji sat on the bank, typing out notes to his family members on his phone memo, looking up at the sky every now and then, wondering if Ash had seen the sky before he died. If Ash had thought of him. He paused. Ash would scream at him if he knew what he was doing. Would tell him that he was worth living. He smiled. For a while he believed his life had a purpose. But what could you do when your reason to live had gone? He opened up a new note and addressed to Ash. He typed out one single sentence.

It was enough. He had tried long enough. He just wanted to be at peace. He wanted to be with Ash. No day could begin without a dawn.

The currents were rising now, and if he ran in, jumping high enough to reach the dimming sun, he would be carried away to the where he might meet Ash.

He wished a part of him was scared, holding him back, telling him to think of his family. But all he could think of was how tired he was. All these months back in Japan and he had been hoping to just go back and see Ash. To hold him. To tell him everything he had written out loud. Yet, now all that seemed like such a waste. Why did he even bother to spend so much time hoping when the end result was the same? If he had stayed in America and died or if he came back and lived for a few months before getting killed. All that was different was that he would’ve been with Ash at least.

Eiji looked down at the rushing water, the colors of the sunset lost in the white waves. It was cold. He closed his eyes, wondering if Ash had been warm in his last moments. He stepped back, taking a deep breath before running.

He never was too good at long jump, but his pole vaulting had made him better. He knew he could jump high enough to make the impact deadly. That’s all that mattered.

As he jumped into the air, weightless, he heard a voice call his name.

Ash.

 

Ash screamed, running down as fast as he could to Eiji. One word was on his mouth. Eiji, Eiji, Eiji. He saw him jump and Ash ran, pushing himself. He couldn’t let him do this. Not when they were so close. He ran, yelling, his lungs telling him to do one thing, that they couldn’t handle anything more. Eiji turned mid-jump, looking at him in shock before his mouth curled into a smile of ease.

He reached the bank, reaching out as far as his hand would go, grasping. His tears mixed with the rushing water of the river, drowning his screams.

 

Ash. Eiji smiled. He was glad to see that in his last moments God had taken pity on him, showing him such a beautiful sight. The dying light illuminated Ash’s face, reds mixing with his golden hair, casting ethereal shadows. The tears that ran down his face diffused the light, making him look otherworldly. _Too real._

He turned, arching his back, as the sound of heavy footsteps, mixed with the current. He heard his name, Ash’s voice screaming, mixing with the wind. If he closed his eyes, he could almost believe it was real, could almost feel the vibrations of his voice hitting his skin, causing goose bumps to form.

As cold water took him into a deep embrace, he felt a touch of warmth graze his ankle. He let himself be consumed. That one instance of warmth reminded him of Ash’s gentle touch.

Disregarded on the bank, Eiji's phone remained on, a note open on it. A single sentence was written. _I_ _love you Aslan._

He wished he could’ve shown him the bright blue sky at least once.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i may add another chapter to this seeing how i feel. that may change the ending of this. i usually dont like angst so i might keep this as is to sorta test my abilities. thank you for reading. interact with me on my twitter @moonekon  
> see you next time!


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